Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
Wanna Smell Like a King?
I’m sure a lot of guys would love to smell like a king, but… to smell like Burger King???
Burger King, obviously thinking “out of the kingdom”, has launched a meat scented body spray simply called “Flame”, which the fast food company describes as “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”
The scent is available at New York City retailer Ricky’s NYC in stores and online for a limited time for $3.99.
I know they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but the way to a woman’s heart is through her nose? And to top it, with a beef scented body spray?
So what’s next? Chicken breast scented body spray for women from KFC? It better be finger lickin’ good.
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L L.A.M.B. * Gwen Stefani LAMB 1.7 oz Womens Perfume US $14.99 (1 Bid) Auction Ends: Wednesday Jan-07-2009 1:31:16 PST Bid on this Item | Watch this Item |
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VERY VALENTINO PERFUME 5 SAMPLE PACK WOMENS GREAT BUY US $3.32 (4 Bids) Auction Ends: Wednesday Jan-07-2009 2:24:14 PST Bid on this Item | Watch this Item |
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Emporio Armani Diamonds 1.7oz Womens Perfume EDP US $8.49 (2 Bids) Auction Ends: Wednesday Jan-07-2009 5:13:53 PST Bid on this Item | Watch this Item |
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WOMENS PERFUME RALPH Ralph Lauren - 3.4 SP NEW/BOXED US $29.99 (1 Bid) Auction Ends: Wednesday Jan-07-2009 6:34:20 PST Bid on this Item | Watch this Item |
And Now, Palin Wine
Appears Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin just can’t stay out of the news. Well, I’m talking about the kind of news a vice presidential candidate wouldn’t necessarily be jumping with joy to be in.
A hitherto inconsequential organic wine from Chile has suddenly shot to limelight caught up in the US presidential race — for the simple reason it’s called Palin Syrah. Not that Ms Palin has anything to do with it, but that’s the way news works, I guess.
San Francisco’s Yield Wine Bar manager Chris Tavelli has been serving Palin Syrah well before Republican presidential candidate John McCain asked Palin to be his running-mate. But once that (nomination) was announced, Palin Syrah sales have plummeted in Frisco. But Tavelli is not taking it off his wine list.
“It’s good, organic and affordable,” he said.
But Palin Syrah is not running dry in Texas, where a store reports that out of a stock of the wine stacked 20 high, only less than a hundred bottles remain. And the spirit has hit new sales highs even in the Democratic New York City.
“I think is that some of the reason is that some people are going to buy it and cross out her name and maybe write Obama or Biden’s name,” said shop owner Scott Pactor.
Related post(s):
U.S. vs Chinese Diplomacy
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Chinese president visits U.S.  |
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U.S. president visits China  |
Can This Really Make You Smell 10 Years Younger?
Is it that time in your life you wished you looked 10 years younger? Or weighed 10 lbs less? Or smelled 10 years younger? Well, according to a report in Daily Mirror, a new perfume can fulfill that last wish in literally a whiff.
Researchers say that the new Ageless Fantasy perfume can lead people around you into thinking you’re at least eight years younger than your real age.
“From the point of arriving at the fragrance we had to negate the body odor that comes with age, it is not enough to simply mask the smell of aging,” said Kumar Ramani, president of Harvey Prince. “Our goal was to find a fragrance that men and women would associate with youth.”
Harvey Prince, the perfume maker, attributed ‘natural biochemistry’ to the scent’s effect. The firm said the perfume’s tropical-based top notes of pineapple, mango, apple and leafy greens prompt happy childhood memories in anyone who smells it, though for a short period of time.
However, its middle notes — cherry blossom and pink jasmine — start telling withing 20 minutes after application, and the real blast comes with the heavier notes — musk and vanilla — which allegedly have a lasting effect. What they really do is disguise the unpleasant fatty odor that comes off Nonenal pheromones in women aged above 40 years.
Dubbed ‘the world’s first and only anti-age perfume‘, Ageless Fantasy is £59 (US$108) for a 100ml bottle, expected to be available at Harvey Nichols next month.
This is great. Hopefully soon the researchers will come up with something that can make you smell 20 years younger.
Wonder if they have checked out Johnson’s Baby Powder yet.
Naughty Duck Promotes Sex Line
Some think that former governor of New York Eliot Spitzer could be behind the slip in the proofreading, but the carrier card for the new duck stamp also carries a misprint that’s sending callers to a sex line.
Duck hunters are invited to a different kind of sport when they call the number, which takes them to a certain “Intimate Connections” with a husky female voice inviting them to “talk only to the girls that turn you on,” for $1.99 a minute.
Blame it all (or thank) a printing error — instead of listing 1-800-782-6724 (1-800-STAMP24, it lists 1-800-872-6724 (1-800-TRAMP24).
Strangely enough though, no one seems to be complaining.
“I’m going to order a lot more stamps,” said New Jersey native Brad Jones, who’s suddenly become a die-hard fan of duck hunting, having called the number three times to ‘order duck stamps.’
It has even enabled 14-year-old Kevin Anderson to discover a new world. He’s raised money with his neighborhood gang to pay for some steamy chats. “I had no idea such a thing existed, me and my friends love it,” said Kevin.
About 3.5 million federal “duck stamps,” featuring artwork by a Plymouth artist, are affixed to a card that bears the misprinted number, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service said Wednesday. Cost of reprints? About $300,000.
The revenue from duck stamps goes toward purchasing waterfowl habitat for the National Wildlife Refuge System. For 2006-2007, that amounted to nearly $22 million.
The card also carries their website URL duckstamp.com. Hmm… wish there was a misprint there as well and they’d printed offbeatbuzz.com.
Never Underestimate the Power of Make-up
| When it comes to photography and make-up,
ANYTHING is possible! |
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Top 10 Olympic Bloopers by NBC Commentators
While a proven source of these ‘bloopers’ is rather tough to pin down, these Olympic ‘bloopers’ have been in circulation for nearly six years now. Yet their ‘glory’ has continued to rise, even be refined, revised and recycled to the point they are generally believed to be authentic.
But I can assure you that these were not uttered during the Beijing 2008 Olympics, except for the last, No. 11 by Venezuelan sportscaster Willie Oviedo on Micheal Phelps.
1. Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.”
2. Dressage commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.”
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”
4. Boxing Analyst: “Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.”
5. Softball announcer: “If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.”
6. Basketball analyst: “He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.”
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: “Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging Cox of the British crew.”
8. Soccer commentator: “Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”
9. Tennis commentator: “One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them… Oh my God, what have I just said?”
10. At the diving competitions: “Look at that… you aren’t getting anything between those legs.”
And the prize catch:
11. TV commentator Venezuelan sportscaster Willie Oviedo on TVes during the 2008 Olympics:
“Never in the Olympic Games has any mortal, any living being been able to win eight gold medals. Only Michael Phelps in the Olympic Games of Munich in the year 1972, over there in the Germany of Hitler, where he refused to give him the medals himself back then.” Duh.
Is Your Marriage Perfect? Ask Red Skelton
Richard Bernard “Red” Skelton (1913 – 1997) was an American comedian who was celebrated as a top radio and television star from 1937 to 1971. By age 15 Skelton was performing on the Vaudeville circuit, and went on to Broadway, films, radio, TV, night clubs and casinos, while also pursuing painting as a parallel career.
In 1988 he received a Life Achievement Award from the Screen Actors Guild.
The following set of one liners is considered a classic on the humor circuit. They’ll never fade away, forever bringing a chuckle to anyone reading them.
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
* She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
* Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere….
* … but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
* So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands.
* If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!”
* So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was.
* She told me, “In the lake.”
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
* Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?”
* The driver said, “No, jump in!”
10. Remember:
* Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right.
* I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.
* I don’t like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”
* I said, “Dust!”
“If some day you’re not feeling well, you should remember some little thing I have said or done and if it brings a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart then my purpose as a clown has been fulfilled.”— Red Skelton
How to Get That Last Parking Spot
Frustrated about some jerk beating you to that last space in the parking lot? Worry no more. Just follow Joachim Schoeneich’s example and get yourself an armoured tank.
That’s precisely what Joachim of Neu Anspach, Germany did — he bought himself a British Army surplus six-ton Fox FV721 tank for daily use like trips to the mall or the movies. The tank is armed with a disabled 30mm gun and has three-inch thick armour plating. He even fitted a kiddie seat to the tank for his two-year-old son Paul.
Is it a cumbersome monster? Narrower than a Hummer H1, and shorter than a Chrysler 300 sedan, the tank is quite manageable, says Joachim.
“We take the tank to go shopping and little trips,” he laughs. “It is a bit hard to find a parking place, but we get right of way at every junction.”
The armoured reconnaissance vehicle cost Joachim about US$47,000 and he actually gets a whole five miles per gallon from its 4.2 liter engine. But isn’t that a small price to pay to finally get to be the King of the Road?
$120,000 Swimsuit–Doesn’t Work in Water
Call it ambitious. Call it spoiled for cash. Call it eccentric. Yet, when you make a swimsuit worth US$120,000, the least you expect is to be able do is swim in it. But not in this one.
Chinese designer Huang Yinyun took over a month to create this masterpiece, said to be most expensive piece of swimwear ever made. It has a shining honeycomb design made up entirely of Swarovski crystals, and was unveiled by top Chinese model Mo Wandan on behalf of Hong Kong swimsuit brand Hosa.
“It is the first swimsuit in China made with crystals and we have applied to the Guinness Book of World Records for it to be listed as the most luxurious swimsuit in the world,” Huang told The China Daily.
But why can’t you swim in it? There’s a drawback, which Huang revealed: “The temperature has to be strictly controlled, as the glue could spill if the temperature is too high or too low.”
In other words, here’s a swimsuit that can’t go in the pool or the sea.
Great. Hey, that gives me an idea — why not make a burger in 22-kt gold… just making sure no one can it. You got any ideas, too? Lemme know!
After the Beijing Olympics, the swimsuit will be on display at the Olympic Museum in Lausanne, Switzerland.