Posts Tagged ‘Humor’
U.S. vs Chinese Diplomacy
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Chinese president visits U.S.  |
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U.S. president visits China  |
Never Underestimate the Power of Make-up
| When it comes to photography and make-up,
ANYTHING is possible! |
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Top 10 Olympic Bloopers by NBC Commentators
While a proven source of these ‘bloopers’ is rather tough to pin down, these Olympic ‘bloopers’ have been in circulation for nearly six years now. Yet their ‘glory’ has continued to rise, even be refined, revised and recycled to the point they are generally believed to be authentic.
But I can assure you that these were not uttered during the Beijing 2008 Olympics, except for the last, No. 11 by Venezuelan sportscaster Willie Oviedo on Micheal Phelps.
1. Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.”
2. Dressage commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.”
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”
4. Boxing Analyst: “Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.”
5. Softball announcer: “If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.”
6. Basketball analyst: “He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.”
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: “Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging Cox of the British crew.”
8. Soccer commentator: “Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”
9. Tennis commentator: “One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them… Oh my God, what have I just said?”
10. At the diving competitions: “Look at that… you aren’t getting anything between those legs.”
And the prize catch:
11. TV commentator Venezuelan sportscaster Willie Oviedo on TVes during the 2008 Olympics:
“Never in the Olympic Games has any mortal, any living being been able to win eight gold medals. Only Michael Phelps in the Olympic Games of Munich in the year 1972, over there in the Germany of Hitler, where he refused to give him the medals himself back then.” Duh.
Is Your Marriage Perfect? Ask Red Skelton
Richard Bernard “Red” Skelton (1913 – 1997) was an American comedian who was celebrated as a top radio and television star from 1937 to 1971. By age 15 Skelton was performing on the Vaudeville circuit, and went on to Broadway, films, radio, TV, night clubs and casinos, while also pursuing painting as a parallel career.
In 1988 he received a Life Achievement Award from the Screen Actors Guild.
The following set of one liners is considered a classic on the humor circuit. They’ll never fade away, forever bringing a chuckle to anyone reading them.
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
* She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
* Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere….
* … but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
* So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands.
* If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!”
* So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was.
* She told me, “In the lake.”
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
* Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?”
* The driver said, “No, jump in!”
10. Remember:
* Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right.
* I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.
* I don’t like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”
* I said, “Dust!”
“If some day you’re not feeling well, you should remember some little thing I have said or done and if it brings a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart then my purpose as a clown has been fulfilled.”— Red Skelton
Homer Simpson is New Face on Euro Coin
An official Spanish one Euro coin bearing the face of cartoon couch potato Homer Simpson instead of that of the country’s king has turned up in candy shop owner Jose Martinez’s till.
Martinez was counting his cash the city of Aviles in northern Spain, when he chanced upon a Euro coin where the typical face of cartoon couch potato Homer Simpson had replaced that of King Juan Carlos.
“The coin must have been done by a professional,” he told Reuters.”It’s an impressive piece of work.”
Don Juan Carlos’s regal half-profile topped by a full head of curls had morphed seamlessly into the pop-eyed, big-nosed, bald-headed features of beer-guzzling Homer Simpson, complete with his 5 o’clock shadow.
The talented carver had not touched the other side of the coin displaying the map of Europe. So far, no other coins of the bald headed and big-eyed hapless ‘intelligent idiot’ have been found in circulation.
Martinez says he’s received thousands of bids for the coin have come in from Simpsons fans in the Netherlands, Japan, Canada and the US, but he plans to keep the collector’s item for himself–at least for now.
But he ought to beware of potential duplicates:
