In 1988 he received a Life Achievement Award from the Screen Actors Guild.

The following set of one liners is considered a classic on the humor circuit. They’ll never fade away, forever bringing a chuckle to anyone reading them.

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.

* She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.

* Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere….

* … but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.

* So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.

* If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!”

* So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was.

* She told me, “In the lake.”

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.

* Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?”

* The driver said, “No, jump in!”

10. Remember:

* Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right.

* I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.

* I don’t like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”

* I said, “Dust!”

“If some day you’re not feeling well, you should remember some little thing I have said or done and if it brings a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart then my purpose as a clown has been fulfilled.”— Red Skelton